Benefits of negative emotions
In the book ‘Shadows of the heart – A spirituality of the painful emotions’ by Evelyn Eaton Whitehead and James D Whitehead… the introduction and point of reference starts by challenging the common framework for negative emotions that can view them as only harmful.
This book proposes that negative emotions have a valid place in life and a ‘helpful’ role to play.
The following quote is on page seven of the book encourages personal reflection and a reevaluation, inviting us to re-frame our view of painful emotions.
Anger...
challenges us to right a wrong; calls us to decisive action to protect from harm something that we judge to be of genuine value.
It leads to action in pursuit of justice.
Shame...
affirms the necessary boundaries that support our sense of self; warns of risks of premature exposure; protects the privacy that makes genuine intimacy possible.
It is one of the roots of personal dignity.
Guilt...
reminds us of the shape of our best self; alerts us to discrepancies between ideals and behaviour; defends the commitments and values-choices through which we give meaning to our life.
Its supports our sense of personal integrity.
Depression...
alerts us that something has become intolerable; ordinary (rather than clinical) depression invites us to re-examine our life; it’s misery that motivates us to face a challenge or loss we have been avoiding.
It can ready us for mature grieving and change.
Emotions are for our good
The common patterns of, ignore… avoid… bury… can and do serve us well for a time… yet these emotions tend to grow in volume and intensity and take more energy to keep buried in the inner place of hidden shadows. As Richard Rohr says, “What we resist persists.”
As we learn to ‘let’ negative emotions ‘be’, ‘welcome’ them, and even ‘invite them in’ (very scary thought)… we can feel out of control.
The AIM of emotion is to support our development, growth and safety. Review this way of viewing emotions in the diagram. Knowing they are good for us and how to navigate them can really help us understand our journey as we experience deep painful emotions.
A framework of understanding is also helpful to lessen the sense of being out of control.
- A – Arousal Developing awareness and noticing the body
- I – Interpolation Learning how to decipher the message.
- M – Movement What is the response now that the message is known?
Learning to befriend our emotions
Befriending emotions… process
Stop – take the time to recognise them… take a long loving look.
Notice – Be more aware of what is happening and when.
Name – learn to identify and name not only the surface emotion but also the deeper emotion.
Own – accept it and taming, not mastery, befriending.
Respond – re-form my patterns of reacting to emotion into a chosen response.
Painful emotions are like a fever
A fever is a sign of a physical distress. Sometimes it will resolve itself and other times the source needs to be found and dealt with rather than just taking Panadol.
In an emergency room at a hospital, the doctors and nurses do not give something for the pain until they identify what is causing the pain. Masking the source of the pain could cause a lot more damage.
Pain is useful and noxious and necessary.
Now substitute the word ‘emotion’ or ‘painful emotion’ for the word pain in the above analogy.
A painful emotion is a sign of distress. Sometimes it will resolve itself and other times the source needs to be found and dealt with rather than using the patterns of ignore… avoid… bury.
Embracing the pain with the Divine and others to help, will mean bringing healing to the source of the pain. Spiritual direction or companioning can be a safe place to explore these painful emotions.
Anne Cockrenn Dec 2023